Welcome again to another Freaky Factsheet! I have stayed in and collected* a whole new world of freaky facts for you to enjoy while you are also stuck in your lair of solitude. Of course, I have only picked the very best of these facts** for your entertainment, so you can rest assured that everything I have gathered here for you today can’t be trusted. And with that, let’s get to the facts!
- While we’ve all been at home, I’ll bet that you’ve noticed that your home is never silent. That is because buried underneath all the modern humming of machines like fridges and computers, there is a race of creatures whose only language is in beeps, creaks and whirring noises. They are particularly annoyed that the conveniences that make up out modern life resemble their language so closely and occasionally when an appliance makes a noise that is too close to one of their curse words, they will break it in retaliation to their hurt feelings.
- Cats are the number one protection against all demonic contamination of the common house or apartment. Dogs come in a close second but demons are aware that most canine species are likely to be plied with games of fetch. Most cats are able to recognize demons upon their spawning and are immediately willing to fuck their shit up upon arrival before they can tempt them. The one exception to this in the canine world is the chihuahua, who won’t give a demon a second’s notice before destroying them and as such are considered honorary cats in most feline circles.
- The Loch Ness monster misses you. No really, it was quite looking forward to the spring people arriving near the water and it’s rather upset that it’s not getting any good people watching in. It had recently been informed from six feet away that there has been a global pandemic this year and that has accounted for the clearness of the waters. It is currently unknown if the creature is at all susceptible to the virus, it is taking necessary steps to avoid spreading the contagion by staying in its cave buried in the hollow earth. Last known interaction with the creature was recording that it was in good health but very much missing seeing people around.
- The ghosts in your homes are hoping that you will be tuning into the many livestreams that are available during this quarantine. For as much as you might be restricted where you are going, certain ghosts are unable to move around much at all and might be tied to their death house or location. That said, with the rise of livestreams and zoom conferences, the restless dead are finding that there is a loophole that allows them to travel outside of the confines of their previous location. That said, the request that you attend livestreams where the homes are interesting and have at least one person who is likely to have a decent movie collection.
And that is the end of this edition of the Freaky Factsheet! Remember that this coming Friday, there will be no review on the way but the story Young Bucks will start up again as of the coming Monday and the review will follow. If you want to get your review on, however, there will be a Sinister Reader coming out this Wednesday and a rather self indulgent one at that. If you would like to get a sneak peek at what’s coming up, it’ll cost you a dollar (or more if you can) on Patreon. Until next time, enjoy another film and we’ll be back to regular schedule this time next week!
* All “facts” have been collected directly from whatever came to my head first and were spat out immediately after.
** Absolutely none of these are facts at all. Please don’t take random advice on such matters from the internet without fact checking everything first as I admit that for these factsheets, I have not checked a single thing.