It’s time again for another Freaky Factsheet! I have scoured unnamed and unknowable* sources to bring you facts** that are strange and wonderful and possibly wonderfully strange. In no particular order, here are my freaky finds.
- Did you know that every movie you watch is actually happening but somewhere in the past? It sounds weird but it’s true. Just like the light of any star you see up in the sky at night is actually from a source that died many years before you were born, most of the films that you see are actual scenes ripped painfully from the history of an alternate Universe and committed to film in a method that is very secret and very likely to involved demonology. That said, you can enjoy your Disney properties all you want because none of those worlds have come to be yet and we’re told that there is some interesting prophecies on the horizon for when it comes to be. Not to spoil anything but when a certain princess makes a brutal alliance with another one in a blue dress, the outcome is going to be devastating but awesome!
- From the field, we’ve gotten reports of strange activity between the sun and the moon. In the last year or so, scientists who excelled in the study of phrenology who had nothing better to do noticed some odd patterns of light streaking across the sky at dawn. According to their completely unfounded theories, they believe that the sun and moon are not actually large chunks of massive rock caught in orbit of their massive rock that they are closest to. Rather, the running theory goes that they are both harvesting celestial bodies within them trapped in a raging battle that has been going on since the dawn of time and will continue long after the last life on earth dries up and is forgotten. When attempting to reach other scientific researchers for this, we were quickly dismissed as they did have other things to be doing.
- Many years before the earth was populated by anything that could be known as people, there were cats. It has now been discovered that because their ancestors are that old, they have managed to evolve beyond simply being fluffy feline companions and have been willfully shaping the landscape of the world. Their tiny toe beans have been said to be responsible for carving out the Grand Canyon and the River Rhine. About the only thing that was not shaped by cats was the tops of mountains. According to our scientists, those were shaped by something so dreadful and powerful that they dare not speak its unholy title, lest they bring it forth. That said, apparently the evil creature that created our black diamond slopes is terribly afraid or allergic to cats and thus, those houses with a feline companion are safe from harm.
- Finally, in an unprecedented showing of being visible for a change, the ghosts of an undisclosed town are willfully becoming viewable by the naked human eye in protest to the sudden rash of amateur ghost hunters intruding on what they claim is their properties. Since the first alleged appearance, there has been some dispute about what constitutes intrusion and if it can indeed be applied to those who are no longer living as there is some legal concern around whether or not apparitions can own property. In response to these allegations, there have been a number of counter ghostly protesters who have come forward to say that they are quite happy with their arrangements with the living, occasionally much to the surprise and horror of those living counterparts who were previously unaware of their existence. No word on if there has been any budge in the talks surrounding this issue but so far the ghost hunters have continued to claim that they will carry on. Soon. Right after everything blows over.
Thank you again for joining me for another Freaky Factsheet! If you enjoyed this, stay tuned for more weird and wonderful fictions that are to come in my story Young Bucks, another installment of the Hello Dolly series. If you’re all caught up on that, you are welcome to check out the Friday Nightmare Reviews, wherein I tell you what terrible, weird, wild or just terribly wildly entertaining horror movie you could be watching and, once a month, you can also get a chance to find yourself a new spooky book to enjoy through the series The Sinister Reader. If you are impatient, you are welcome to come on over to my Patreon where for as little as a dollar a month, you can get all this content early. For a little more, you can check out things on the horizon and even get sneaky updates on things that are set to come out later this year. If all that sounds like fun, you can check that out HERE. Thanks to everyone who has joined me and I will see you again next update!
*None of these freaky facts are knowable because I am pulling them out of my ass each time I write them. If it wasn’t obvious already, all of these are the work of on the fly fiction.
** By facts, of course I mean fiction. See above note for where they actually originate from.